chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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