Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
