I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
