I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
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Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
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I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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