The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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