Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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