I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
