Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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