I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The air was thick with penises
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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