remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
