i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
