I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
