OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
