so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
