Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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