Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
