We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize