You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
