Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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