good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
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We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
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You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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