Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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