Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
