There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You're like the curious george of whores
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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