I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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