That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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