i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
