Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
