the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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