Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
