I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
