Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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