I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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