I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
