i don't like sucking hair
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
