Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
