I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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