This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Randomize
