I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize