I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
