I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
