so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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