Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
