i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
