the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize