Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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