i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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