Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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