What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
