I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
