I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
