The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
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Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
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MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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