He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
