saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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