This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
