She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
