Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
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I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
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She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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