Non-Jews are for practice
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
