So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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