Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
