I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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