THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
