: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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