you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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