Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
