Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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