From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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