You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
