Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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