New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
50% drunk capacity currently
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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