So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
