You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
