I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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