apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
