Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
