so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm going to jail i love you
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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