I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
