Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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